I miss my grandmother. This is the second Christmas without her and I still can’t seem to get past these “moments” when I see a photo, or think of some inside joke we had, or think of her saying with a little grin, “Love you, Sugar”… and the tears just explode. I’ve put up all the Christmas decorations I may have the energy for and the little frosted glass bells she gave me… they look so fragile in their box. I’m afraid to look for somewhere to hang them up. Maybe I’m protecting her memory and trying to hold close the things I have left. I know they’re not her. I know that I haven’t lost what she really gave me in life, no matter what happens. I just wish she were here now at this difficult time in my life. My health, my entire world is changing and beyond challenging. She was always there to talk to, even if all she could do was listen and pray. Now there is this empty silence where her smile and strength used to fill my heart. Crying should be cleansing. It just seems to make me ache.
Gramma… you’re in my mind, my heart, and all my aspirations. Thank you for the second chance at life that you gave me without reservation, and without expecting anything in return. It’s love.. free and unconditional, that you left with me.