What Did You Just Say???

We all know the expression, “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.” For anyone with any level of decency about them, that is a genuine principle to uphold, and as an abuse survivor I think I am qualified to say that I have known individuals that could be wished harm. I don’t. What purpose does that serve? Is my own harm going to suddenly vanish because someone else paid some nebulous “price” that we can’t even legitimately tie in to retribution? Is it really acceptable to relish suffering, just because you don’t like something about someone?

I’m not just talking about evil people here. I don’t feel qualified to define between individuals and their level of deserving ill befallen. I could sidetrack to the legal system here and crime, but that isn’t where I’m headed.. so NO. There are two things bothering me, and neither of them have anything to do with criminal behavior. When I log in to Facebook lately, there are days that I just want to cringe. It’s not just there, mind you. Anywhere I go to read public input in posts has the potential for being an unpleasant enlightenment to what is inside the ugly minds of far too many. How did we end up here?

Topic 1 is about the Lupus community. We are supposed to be a support network for one another. We are the only ones that truly understand what we all go through living with this disease. I have talked before about it not being a competition – who is the sickest and most deserving of sympathy – but it goes beyond that. I am seeing a trend that is disturbing, and it is one where a sicker patient actually wishes harm on others so that they can better “understand” their plight. It’s bad enough when someone wishes that a healthy person could be sick, but to wish upon another Lupie that their disease were more advanced? Seriously? What did you just say??? Yes, I sure did read that. So those of us without major organ involvement are somehow privileged and should experience damage so that we can better sympathize with your personal nightmare. Got it. I mean I have a damaged heart. I can’t remember ever wishing anyone else could experience my difficulties with that – even for a day – so they could be educated about it or so they could be humbled or something. I don’t wish my discomfort or ailments on anyone. I am also not lacking in compassion from my support network for that or anything else. When did it become acceptable to turn on each other? I am seeing some elitist snobbery that I really dislike. FYI, anyone with Lupus in any form has the potential for eventually developing organ involvement and damage. It is the thing we pray for others NOT to experience. That is our appointed place to stand. Save your bitterness for conversations with your deity about how to manage it.

Topic 2 is the vitriol over the present uproar on marriage equality. I don’t have a lot to say about my opinions on it, because there is no point. I will say this one thing however, and it is because again I cannot stand the vitriol being spewed from all sides. Why is it considered acceptable to make hateful statements while arguing that it is not acceptable to hate? I have seen some of THE ugliest and most violent suggestions of what should happen to people, and no I am not about to repeat them here. This was not coming from the religious sect arguing that gay marriage is wrong, although I have seen that as well in scores. I am talking about those that are pro on the subject. No one will be swayed to accept you when you suggest that people should be violated and abused, or make threats on them. If you believe in yourself, your life, and your choices, and the individual that you are, then be a fine example of that and stop acting like a homicidal maniac. It’s not an attractive color on anyone, no matter what your orientation is. I have tried surfing conversations because I am open-minded and unbiased. I have left conversations feeling like I needed a shower because of the horrible things I read. No, I am not referring to lifestyle statements, as that doesn‘t concern or affect me. I am referring to remarks that are tantamount to an assault – from those defending their right to their rights.

I’ll take you seriously when you show me that you really are about peace and love. How you have been treated is no excuse either. I don’t cut any slack to my Native brothers and sisters either on that one. We are in 2013, and we are adults. We make our own choices about how we live, and what we believe, how we present ourselves in this world. If you really believe in karma, you won’t inflict hatred in any form, on anyone, for any reason. Show me.

One of my favorite Maya Angelou quotes: “I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.”

I have plenty of reasons to be mad. I am caught between worlds in many aspects in my life, and held in the prison of an uncooperative and sick body that I constantly battle and bargain with to have my moments of life that so many people take for granted without thought. I have survived being beaten and damaged by someone that was never punished for their crimes. I have survived other terrible things inflicted also by individuals that were never punished. I am multicultural and often rejected by both sides for not fitting a mold. I am possibly too liberal-minded in some areas to be a true conservative, and I really don’t like labels anyway. I’m not living where I really want to be, and unable to change it just yet. I have had support and health insurance ripped out of my life due to illegal actions and false accusations on an upstanding individual, with no assurance that a legal case can be made to fix it. I still don’t have health insurance and I am a fairly sick lady. Oh yes, and now I am required to have insurance so I guess I have to pull that money out of somewhere. *cough* Should I go on griping some more? Why? We all have baggage, damage, and burdens. And?

I can be changed by what happens to me, but I REFUSE to be reduced by it. My life experiences are a part of who I am. How I embrace and process them, and then act on them, is my choice. It’s yours too.


About Tala

-Livestream Broadcaster - Active in Periscope & Busker -YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, & Facebook Pages www.talanoexcuses.live Advocacy for better quality of life with catastrophic illness & injury. Conditions I live with myself are my awareness platform: rheumatic autoimmune & neurological, women's heart disease Traditional First Nations (Native American) -Training: Tai Ch'i Chuan, medical terminology, cultural Medicine -Avid about hiking, camping, & outdoor adventure Special Interests: Natural health, everything from East Indian to East Carolina cuisine, 16th Century German fencing Favorite Travel Spots: Yosemite, Catalina Island, E. North Carolina, Northern CA redwoods/coastal rainforest ~I live as naturally as I can, stay on a whole foods diet (as in what I eat, not as in "a diet"), avoid as many synthetic meds as I can, and do not consume artificial sweeteners and most preservatives. If you're curious about why, see my posts.~ Periscope/Twitter ID: Tala_NoExcuses https://badges.wegohealth.com/ha-awards-2016.js?referrer=Owb2x2Nb8L81mhJHyfwGcg

Posted on March 29, 2013, in General Blather, I Am That Wolf, Things That Make You Go... AAAaaaauuuggghhh!!! and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I munched on my day old popcorn while reading your post like I was at an action movie in a crowded theater. It’s that good and It’s that true. Us lupus patients have turned some conversations into battle wound contests..My rash is bigger than yours, your hospital stay was longer than mine, she’s on a higher dose of steroids, and I have fog so bad I forget my name. (but not my ability to insult others, compare symptoms and elicit the most sympathy. It’s just a sad display of negative emotions gone wild.

    It’s always the elephant in the room to elicit sympathy for our pain, but when one of us outright wishes poorer health for another OUT LOUD, that’s stepping over the line. No amount of pain or suffering can excuse you for wishing harm on another. It’s an outrage that it’s happening in our own online support communities, the places we go for personal salvation. The places we go when we need the most basic of help. The places we go for comradery and friendship.

    I don’t know about you, but who wants that black cloud lingering over their day? Is it really so hard to find a place inside you to wish someone else well? Do you really want someone to experience the pain you did just so they suffer? I know next time I think about comparing my lupus to someone else’s I’m going to be keenly aware of how I deal with the situation, especially how I deal with a friend’s pain. Take the “I” out of the equation. Make it about the poster, make it about your friend. Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

    I have a ruby heart ring my grandfather made me when I was a little girl. I did not know which way to wear it when he gave it to me. I decided to wear it with the heart pointing outwards. He said it pointed outward to remind me to think of others and not myself. I wore it outward every day to remind myself of how important it is to treat others with love and kindness, and that they come first. I wear all my jewelry outright,

    I see my grandfather’s smiling face when I look at my hands. I try to make him proud and open my hands to others, not close them. Thanks Tala for the reminder to treat each other with respect and good will. It is a good lesson. There’s not a single one of us who won’t benefit from it. :) HUGS, Love, Your friend, Julie

  2. Good for you, Tala. I don’t know why people do and say the things they do and say, but no one is immune to those who do that. I’m reminded of the old saying, “I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.” Bull-****. When my feet hurt, my feet hurt. Not any more than yours; this isn’t a competition and I’m afraid some people aren’t aware of that….or don’t care. Pray for them as you pray for yourself.

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