Gender Bashing, Really?
Here I am again on the topic of gender bashing. I know I’ve talked about this in the past, and it doesn’t bother me any less today than it ever has. The graceless words that for some seem to just roll off the cuff are in fact more and more offensive each time I see them. It’s really unattractive.
I am really disgusted at times at the double standard. In online groups that tend to end up with a member base consisting of more females than males, it seems to become the norm to make remarks about “MEN” in a blanket generalization that no one would tolerate in the reverse. Then if challenged, the posting individual either becomes indignant that you would dare to disagree, or they try to pass it off as a joke while painting you in a bad light for taking their remark seriously. “It was *just* a joke” doesn’t cut it with me, and it never did. You weren’t laughing, and neither was anyone else, and trying to backpedal with smileys and hahas doesn’t make that nasty comment any less rude retroactively. If you hate men, at least be honest enough to just admit that you have a personal problem and say that you hate men. Stop being passive-aggressive and smarmy about it and own your words. There is a lot of cowardice behind all of that, as well as inappropriate rage. An entire gender is not responsible for your issues. Get help.
Let me talk about the flipside that the man-hating populace wouldn’t tolerate. How would you like it if a man posted in such a group that all women are PMSing bitches? Would that agree with you? Is that kind of a generalization fair turnabout? No? Then mind your words about men, because no human person is created the same. Snowflakes, each and every last one of us. We all have beauties, and we all have flaws. We have our gifts and we have our unpleasant sides. Glass houses… throwing stones… sound familiar to anyone?
In tandem with this baggage comes an obsessive need to ruminate publically over the evils perpetrated on them. We have all seen it. I might suggest that while you can privately vent to your girlfriends, ladies.. and you should have one or two that you can be completely open about FEELINGS with when you’re chatting PRIVATELY, a public venue is not a good place to show your ass and be angry and insulting to the thousands and millions of others that belong to said gender.. just because you had a bad experience or ten. If it’s been 5 years… 15 years… 25 years… it’s time to move on from the incident. While you do carry scars, and it’s okay to be real with people about pains inflicted and how it affected your life, it’s not okay to wallow and wail continuously. No one even knows what to do with that. Their response is to post hearts and I’m sorry comments when they’re really sitting there thinking… WOW… Uhmmm…. Angry ain’t pretty, girls! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and take care of you. All that rage will literally kill your body if you keep dragging it around.
I’m not one to say that positive thinking fixes every ill in your life, whether physically or emotionally/mentally. I will tell you that it does have a very upward and healing effect though, and you can’t even buy that in a store. If you are choosing intentionally to make yourself sick with negative energy, more power to you and let me know how that works out. I will be over here sipping on my coconut water, listening to some birds, and remembering that I woke up today and I am still breathing. Everybody has pain in life, and everybody dies – nobody gets out alive. Birth is a death sentence. It’s what happens between those two events that matters. What do you want to be remembered by? Anger. Peaceful demeanor. Grief. Acceptance. Giving in to destructive behaviors. Being motivated to create change. There are a lot of choices here. By my age, I’ve figured out which ones work the best. Are you there yet?
Let me add here… men develop Lupus too. I believe that the statistics are skewed because they respond differently to illness. They are more likely to keep working, ignore pain, try to work through it, and avoid the Dr. When they do go, they prefer a quick fix, gimme a pill and get me outta here solution. They also don’t ask as many questions about what the problem is. When they do finally end up forced to stop, they are suffering so badly that the illness has taken over. This is why men are seen as being affected more severely by the disease than are women. We seek help sooner. We root for more answers. Consider that the next time you’re calling a man names for complaining that he is ill. They may be hurting far worse than you could possibly understand. They’re not going to tell YOU how bad it is, especially if they’ve heard criticism before. This society expects them to butch up and tolerate discomforts. Imagine yourself in those shoes for one moment. Now reevaluate your harsh responses and think how YOU wish to be spoken to, and about. Support groups are not a place to injure other members. They are a place to be kind and sensitive to the other human beings reading our words. You don’t have to paste hearts and flowers, and respond to every post with soft hugs to be helpful. Just try not going out of your way to be ugly.
A little addendum… anyone freaking out and thinking this is directed at them needs to take a step back. I have been in support groups for over 3 years now and this is a cumulative observation of events over that time period. So before anyone takes it personally, they should consider that the world is bigger than one or two individuals. What I am addressing happens just about everywhere on the web.
Posted on September 3, 2013, in General Blather, I Am That Wolf, Things That Make You Go... AAAaaaauuuggghhh!!! and tagged baggage, Fibromyalgia, gender bashing, life & death, Lupus, male bashing, rage, Reinventing Yourself, SLE, stereotypes, stereotyping, Support groups, Systemic Lupus, Tala Smith. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.