Some thoughts today on physicians. In being around a lot of other chronically ill people, I see some common issues taking place, and they are things that will cause you more grief than necessary. While we know it is true that there are “bad Drs”, and sometimes Drs that just have antiquated ideas – unable to move forward and update – and there are also some that are just bullheaded about their beliefs, they are not all worthless. Creator appointed people in this life to certain callings, and being a physician is one of them. We can’t discount everyone, based on the experiences we have had with a few. I don’t care if you’ve seen 15 different Drs, it is still “a few”. There are thousands out there.
It is easy when you are ill, and especially in pain, to become defensive. Negative experiences serve to bolster that feeling of defense, and it can even become an offensive stance over time. If you go into a Dr’s office with the attitude that you’re in for a fight, you will probably get one. When you are meeting one for the first time (or even the first few times), that is not a good time to put your dukes up. I’m not talking about cases of obvious abuse, as that does occur. I’m talking about you don’t know each other, and it is an introduction, an interview, and a time to get to know each other – it goes both ways. Don’t present yourself as angry and defensive from the second they walk in to talk to you. Be aware of your body language, as well as your tone of voice and how you say things. When someone speaks unkindly to you, you react to it. So will they. A new Dr is not one bit responsible for the last one you dealt with, and they should not have to pay the price for whatever happened before they met you. Exercise the same kindness and social graces that you would offer to a new friend, because they are being offered the job of helping you care for your physical (and sometimes mental) health now. I will often tell people this is someone you are paying for a service. That’s true. You cannot however develop a good working relationship with someone that you pissed off in your first encounter. At the very least, it will take time to undo the damage done. None of us have time for that.
The Dr I have now, we get along okay. That was not the case early on. Initially he seemed okay, but we hit some rough patches and disagreements. Instead of bolting to someone else though, I stuck it out and fought to develop an understanding between us. We still do not see eye-to-eye on every detail, but he has come to respect my views and needs. That would not happen if I had gone in there and told him off, or wasted time in a heated argument about things, and certainly not if I had run to someone else without any effort on my own part. What I have learned to do is walk away from an appointment that seems at an impasse. I take time to do my own research on an issue, make sure that *I* am educated on a health condition and any relevant medications/treatments, and my options. Then I go back and discuss what I have learned and do it in a rational manner – and you have to be open to ask the Dr questions about their views, and let them explain to you WHY. You will find that the more you are willing to listen to the average physician, the more they are willing to listen to you. In most cases, they need to have their say first. The reason for this is their schedule, the pressures, and the many things filling their head about all their patients for that day. Make notes so you don’t forget what you want to say, even during an appointment, but honestly let them speak first. When they are done, then you aren’t fighting their mental processes so much. Both my Dr and I were defensive in the beginning. We BOTH had to stop doing that to get anywhere. We both did.
Save your fight for your daily challenges. Save your fight for moments when it really is necessary to get what you need in the medical setting. Don’t fight every time you walk through their door. They will grow to hate seeing you. That is unproductive and pointless. Be as gracious as you want them to be toward you. If they prove to be incapable, THEN move on to someone else. Be someone that you would want to spend time around.
Posted on April 9, 2014, in General Blather, I Am That Wolf and tagged attitude & altitude, Autoimmune, Autoimmunity, Blood Pressure, Cardiomyopathy, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Doctors, Drs, Fibromyalgia, Heart Disease, Left Ventricular Hypertrophy, Lupus, medical, Physicians, SLE, Systemic Lupus, Tala Smith, treatment. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.